“THOSE WHO KNOW DO NOT SPEAK. THOSE WHO SPEAK DO NOT KNOW”

–LAO TZU

It’s been nearly three years since I’ve written any new content on my website. Where have I gone?  Well, I’ve been right here, living life.  I’ve let time help to shed my old and external expectations (like keeping up with my blog). Things that might have been important years ago just aren’t any longer. 

Though I may not look too different than three years ago (minus some graying hairs), my beliefs and values have morphed. I no longer believe everything I used to. My habits have changed. My need for quiet has increased. My own need of being vulnerable, especially the need to be witnessed crying, has evolved.  I have learned to ask for help when I need it. I have been gaining experience keeping my heart open in difficult times. The pandemic, social injustices and everyday life has carved out a new version of myself. A quieter version of me.  Instead of adding to the external noise, my attention has been on my daily life, trying to embody the same practice of mindfulness I teach my clients. So, if you see me eating applesauce from a jar sitting in the park, don’t be too surprised. No, I’m not a 90s denture-wearing crone, I’m just a (bit of an eccentric) woman practicing living in the moment. 

The world shifts at lightning speed I have slowed down to watch it.  My days have become softer, more gentle. And what I’ve witnessed at this slower speed has been beautiful. My heart has been able to soften, to open, and to fill with so much love, even as world events churn at a scary pace. Maybe my heart has opened because it’s the only way I’ve found peace with the unsteadiness of the world.  It’s the only way I’ve found to survive these times. 

As I write this I’m sitting at the water’s edge of Lake Michigan. I’m taking a period of convalescence solo two weeks post covid. My mindfulness practice has taught me to truly listen to my body in a way that is tender and loving. Several days ago I made the decision to forgo our family adventure to Sequoia and Yosemite National Parks.  A few years ago I would have have PUSHED THROUGH IT to have the ULTIMATE ADVENTURE!!! But not this year, not now. Because it takes a lot of courage to push your boundaries and your limits. It takes just as much courage to say no, to be still, and to rest.